The Road to the Fields
by M14Mouse
Summary: Hawkes's head is spinning with Casey's escape and the information about his sister's death even with that….he is still happy.


The Road to the Fields

By: M14Mouse

Summary: Hawkes's head is spinning with Casey's escape and the information about his sister's death even with that….he is still happy.

Disclaimer: Don't own them.

Shelton Hawkes shivered slightly and wrapped his coat tighter around him. Even with his trench coat, the cold wind cut into his skin. Or perhaps, it was nerves. He hasn't visited his sister's grave in years. It was a painful reminder of his guilt, his angry, and his loss.

It doesn't mean that he stopped thinking about her.

Little things triggered the memories of her.

Almond Joys at the check out counter. Those were her favorite. She would leave it out of the sun just long enough to melt. Then she would get some vanilla ice cream and mixed the melted candy together.

Watching the kids play in the fountains or the sprinklers.

How many times did she drag him out for that when she knew he had to study? How many times did she whisper into his ear that the books will be there later? How many times that he didn't fight her on it?

It's Raining Men. It always made him laugh when he hear it on the radio or on the streets. It was her favorite song. She always sung it in the shower.

Purple

It was her favorite color. Her room was solid proof of that.

Peas

She hated peas. He clearly remember her saying that they were only good were for the birds and pea shooters.

Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.

It was her way to lure him always from his studies. He remembered her words as she rubbed his head fondly.

"_You need to get out of those books so much, Sheldon. You aren't going to find happiness in there." _

Then those moments slowly slipped away…overtime, his sister began to change. She no longer found happiness is her almond joy ice cream or her favorite song. She found her happiness in drugs.

He watched his beautiful sister turned into a junkie…an addict.

He knew the effects of her drugs of choice were doing to her body. He told her…he screamed at her. God, he tried. In her high, he couldn't reach her. That hurt more than anything. At the first chance he got, he left. He couldn't stay and watch her fade away.

Over the years, there were phone calls. Full of angry and words. Brief and pointless.

Then he got the phone. It was the phone call that he dreaded for years. She was dead. All because of five little letters.

Drugs…Drugs…Drugs…

He was so angry at her for wasting her life. He was so angry at himself for failing to save her.

Looking back on it now, her death was the first domino to fall. Then losing those patients on the table…then his girlfriend's rape. One after another…things kept falling. He kept falling and he couldn't make it stop. The outside world was strangling him.

The only thing he could do was flee. He fled and hidden behind the cold four walls of the morgue. He thought these people were dead. It wasn't his fault but he could find out who did. Most of all, people didn't bother him. Cops came and went after he gave them the information.

He was alone, safe, and he loved it.

At least that what he thought. Slowly…very slowly…familiar faces brought him out into the world again.

Mac…Stella…Danny…Don…Aidan

It was simple things like lunch, a drink after work, and offers to watch the game. A small smile formed on his face. 

Weather he liked it or not, they were dragging him outside to the world again. Very slowly, he let it back in.

Going back into the field…letting people in…making friends.

It was a slow process. It wasn't easy. It was much like the winter snow melting into spring. It was hard for him to let down his walls even for his friends. In the next few days, he had a very strong feeling that the team was going to pump him for information about his sister.

The big why question. Why didn't you tell us that you had a sister?

At one time, he would have withdrawn inward. But now….he could understand their concern.

He would have time to deal with this later.

But right now, this time was for him and his sister.

He took a seat on the ground next to her grave. For a brief moment, he stared at the grave. An emotion rose up in his chest and his eyes became damp.

_She was proud of you, boy. _

Slowly, the words escaped his mouth. He talked about his job, his friends, and most of all, how happy he was.

End

A/N: I have always been a fan of Hawkes. Just never had a bunny to write anything about him. The episode aired and bang! I had a bunny or (two. I am writing a several drabbles on how Hawkes got out of lab into the field.). Anyway, I just hope you guys enjoy. Read and Review if you wish.


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